September 14, 2009-Mosaic
“I pray out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with the power through His Spirit in your inner being….that you…may have the power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this loves that SURPASSES knowledge…” Ephesians 3
I recently saw a picture of a mosaic called the tree of life. It was beautiful and was amazed that someone could take so many fragmented pieces and make something so wonderful. So the story of our lives really. I have so many fragmented and shattered pieces of emotion in my life and yet somehow God plasters them together into a beautiful mosaic of life that brings Him glory. Fear, joy, heartache, love, laughter, pain, worry, peace, hope, dispair, contentment, covetousness…..on and on. God has given me His Spirit to live in spite of my “feelings” as I am a deep thinker and sometimes get lost in it all. I have found out that grief can be a selfish beast and though all emotions of this pain are necessary it has been difficult to love others like I want to. I have just began praying beyond myself and have been amazed at how God is using those prayers to draw me to Him and away from my grief. I just learned of a woman whose fiance was killed on the way to his wedding and his hopeful bride did a memorial service at the alter where they were to marry.(okay seriously God, what?) Oh the pain that woman must feel right now and I have prayed for her and for the first time truly looked past my own selfish grief. Yes, I know I need to feel and grieve but also want to love in the journey of it all. In my wild emotion mosaic I beg the spirit of God to put them together and create a picture of Himself in me and His kingdom. I believe “feelings” to be a gift of God-a cleansing of our souls. I also believe that I cannot live by my ”feelings” and the Lord must guide me in spite of them. As Bradford’s duedate approches I have a choice to make. Even in my heartache I need the Lord to help me as…..babies due at the same time are being born, young mothers with newborns are coming my way, seeing little girls at play. Oh my goodness the sadness ”feels” like I am being shattered myself. I am praying God gives me the strength to not turn and run for cover but to embrace them and rejoice with those who rejoice just as I can now mourn with those who mourn. I know my grief naturally draws me into myself and keeps me from reaching out to others in need. All of the fragments I beg Him to pick up and create something beautiful, a picture only God himself can create, and I would allow Him to work into the mortar of my life these pieces to make a glorious tree of life…a tree whose branches extend grace, forgiveness, kindness, and love. “…to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on a new self created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4
Comments
Judith.. Love hearing your words and agree with you. Grief can be a selfish beast and I do join you in praying for God’s leading in all of it. To live beyond it at times and know when I need to sit in the muck of it all.
Great to hear your heart. THank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your life with us. Joy and pain. I have and will be praying for you.
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