July 8th, 2009 And yet…

AND YET…..    These two small words have meant so much to me in the past few days.  Once again I find myself living in contrasting emotions everyday…I am intrigued though at how uncomfortable it seems to make people.  I am told to focus on the postitive and be thankful for what God has done when I express my hurt and fears.  I know, in my mind, that I can be sad, confused, hurt, and angry at God and still see ALL the blessings He has given and the wonderful things HE has done in my life.  One emotion does not negate the other to me.  I find it all through scripture as David tells God how hurt and confused and scared he is and then says”AND YET I praise you”.  This is David…a man after God’s own heart and if He can feel so many different emotions and still praise God why is it not okay for me?  God knows anyway…its not like I can hide it.  I tend to try out of fear that He will discover the darkness of my heart…and my heart is as black as they come but HE already knows it.   ITs why I must cry out to Him with every emotion I have in me..He knows and loves me anyway.  He also knows when I don’t “feel” like praising Him He never leaves me or forsake me(even though it once again “feels” like He has abandoned me).  He knows the dualing emotions exist in me and He loves me regardless….which takes me to the sinless undarkened one…JESUS.  GOd’s son.  pure. spotless and yet…..listen to Him in the garden.   “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  AND YET not as I will but as you will.”  Jesus was struggling through all of His emotions AND YET God loved him more than we can even comprehend.  And on the cross, “My God, My God Why have you forsaken me?” AND YET Jesus surrendered to the Father with this conflict of abandonment and love.  Should people have come upt to Jesus on the cross and said, “if you will just remember the good things God has done…”  I know Jesus knew God’s goodness and love.  I know Jesus never wavered in His love for the Father AND YET His human emotions were real and raw just like ours. I must believe we have the freedom to scream with our hearts and lives AND YET praise Him for who HE is and who we are….His precious sons and daughters that He promises we will one day have no more conflict of emotion.

Posted by Judith at 6:30 am on July 8th, 2009

Comments

By Dena on July 9th, 2009 at 11:48 am

This is so good and so true. Thanks for sharing your heart.

By Mindy on July 9th, 2009 at 6:53 pm

Ooooohhhhhhhhhh…..I am reliving this conflict as I read. So many wonderful, well meaning people who want to tell you how to vent your hurt “appropriately”, so God isn’t offended. As if God doesn’t already know all the nitty gritty details. God is far more comfortable with our grief (and the raw, unbridled emotions and thoughts that come with it) than most people are. I’m so thankful that you love Him enough and trust Him enough to be honest with Him. Our own children get upset and angry with us, and will even scream, “I hate you!” every now and then. But we don’t turn them away, because we know they are just children, and they don’t understand the full picture. God gets it, and I’m so glad that you do too Judith!

By Martha on July 9th, 2009 at 7:09 pm

Sawyer and Wyatt’s story is beautifully told. I love that you both can still write and attempt to explain thoughts. you are holding on and perservering… hope is a gorgeous thing for us on the outside looking in. Thank you for being open and sharing this journey that so easily you could keep to yourself.

By Heather on July 11th, 2009 at 11:58 am

Hey Judith,

I’ve experienced what you are describing and know some other Christians who have gone through valleys and turned to their brothers and sisters in Christ just to hear “Focus on the positive”, and quotes from Philippians 4:8. One day I read a quote that helped me understand. It was something along the lines of “If every problem you’ve had resembles a nail, then every solution is a hammer”. Basically that they have never been there or felt pain so deeply. I don’t know why Christians are uneasy about pain and true feelings. Knowing Christ really doesn’t make the pain any less but Christians are expected to act different. Know that you are not alone in your experience with this. I will continue to pray for you. Let me know if you want to get together soon.

By Marty Davis on July 11th, 2009 at 7:47 pm

Ah, Judith – how we need to be safe places and stretcher bearers for one another. Perhaps The Servant Song is so dear to me because I first heard it when I was in a dark and scary place. Maybe you know it.

Sister (Brother), let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are sisters, on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christlight for you
In the night-time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh I’ll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we’ve seen this journey through

When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we’ve known together
Of Christ’s love and agony

Sister, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.

 

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